Welcome to the third part of this four-part blog series on “Ways To Help Your Teenager Manage His Anger.” In this blog, a few other ideas on how to assist your teen kid with their anger issues will be discussed. Hopefully, you will learn more ways from this blog.
You Have To Spend Quality Time With Your Teen And Have Heart To Heart Talks.
Beware of this fact according to Rachel Velishek, LPCC: “They may have a period of time where they truly feel “okay” and then, boom, you’re witnessing an emotional breakdown. This may happen a few times before it completely levels out.”
It is true that when you spend quality time with your teen, he will be less angry at you. Even if you don’t do anything, your teenager will concoct an idea in his head that you are the enemy, or that you don’t understand him, and that you don’t care. So, for him to expel that idea in his hormonal brain, you have to show that it’s not true. You have to explain to your teen and let him feel that you want to bond with them.
What are the things that you can do to spend quality time? You can sit down for thirty minutes each day and talk about anything over a cup of coffee, tea, milk, or juice. Just catch up with one another – this is enough quality time. Talk about anything that your teen wants to discuss. It can be about school, his work, a friend, or a significant other. Caution: when your teen starts to talk about a crush or a boyfriend or girlfriend – never react negatively. Just listen and respond with a level head. This can be an inspiring (and nerve-wracking) bonding moment!
Anyway, never nag to your teen when you are spending quality time because if you do, it will be the last time that you will have that sit down a moment. And yes, he will be furious at you – which will defeat the purpose of you trying to help him out, right?
Marlon Morgan, M.A., LPCC, PPS, said “The most important thing parents can do for their stressed out teens is to give them the gift of listening.”
Be Open To Negotiations.
Being open to negotiations with your teenager is not a defeat on your part. Yes, you feel that the authority may be lessened, but that’s not how it goes. When you learn how to negotiate with your teen, he will see you as just and fair.
So, what are these negotiations? It can be about the consequences that you have imposed. (Remember in Part 1? Set Rules, Provide For Rewards, And Enforce Consequences When Rules Are Broken – this?) Let’s say, one of the rules is curfew time of 10:00 PM every night. You will have a raging teen here because weekends are for party time and at 10:00 PM, it just starts, and you want him home. With this, you will be the enemy.
Your remedy is compromise and negotiation. You can tell your teen that he has to go home by 8:00 PM during school days, except when there is a valid school or school-related activity for wherein he can go home at 10:00 PM. 8:00 PM curfew, instead of 10:00 PM is enforceable from Sunday to Thursday. But during Friday and Saturday, his curfew will be 12:00 MN. You can take that compromise. With this, I am pretty sure your teen will be beaming with excitement with his new curfew.
Oh, and yes. Rules set can be changed over time, as you see fit – after discussing it with your teen.
If you think things have been hard for your child, be sure to encourage your child to go through counseling. Lisa Blum, PsyD said “Seek counseling early. This isn’t a sign of weakness or failure but a “sign of your investment, caring and wish to make it an OK experience for everybody,”
The last part of this blog series will come out next week. It will be the conclusion of all the ideas on how to help your teen manage his anger.