Inside The Mind Of A Teenager In A Toxic Relationship

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We all have reached a point in our lives wherein we long for love. To be noticed by that one person who we saw as perfect is pure bliss. We were once teenagers trying to fit in. Love is a beautiful feeling when you experience it young, isn’t it? The instant smile he flashes you when you see him, and the quickening beat of your heart as he approaches you – it’s just heaven.

According to Donna Rockwell, PsyD, “Without so much as saying so, we have undertaken a new, present-day re-visioning of human potential, averting scholarly attention to love, honoring the sacred and unique nature of lived experience in qualitative research is love.”

Being a teenager in love is like “you and me against the world.” Adults would tell you that you are “too young” to fall in love, or you are “too young” to understand what love is, but we know. We know love, and we know what it is and how it feels.

What do adults know about love, anyway? If they were perfect in their relationships, then, how come they all file for divorce, right? So I believe it’s not about age. It’s about two people in love.

 

How It All Started

He came to me one day and asked me if I could be his girlfriend. I was beyond ecstatic. This is it, and this is the start of our lives together. He knew how to make me feel special, and he understood me like no one else.

My boyfriend was patient, and he was a kind person too. I knew he was so proud of me for my school achievements. He was a little jealous at times, but I knew he loved me. This guy never failed to make me smile. He never forgot to tell me how much he loved me. This is LOVE.

 

I Changed For Him

Linda Carroll, M.S., LMFT said “Relationships are hard, and doubly so when defensive behavior makes it impossible to discuss issues.”

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I understood why he didn’t want me to go out with my friends. He just wanted me to be safe. He didn’t like the way I dressed and said it was overly sexy. It’s okay; I can change the way I dress. And he’s right. It’s too bare. He doesn’t want me to be harassed.

Lately, he didn’t like my quirkiness or my laugh or the way I talked. He said I was embarrassing him. My boyfriend is right, and so, I changed everything, I didn’t want him to be upset with me.

He would get so mad when I didn’t reply fast enough. He would call me names and say things that made me feel small. This is love, isn’t it?

 

I Was Blinded

My friends wondered why he acted in such a way. They said, “Why is he so rude?” I would apologize to him and say that he was just having a bad day. They’d say, “Why do you have bruises?” I would laugh and say that we were having fun but I was too clumsy, and it wasn’t his fault. This is love, isn’t it?

 

The Realization

I couldn’t see how bad it was until I looked at myself in the mirror. Only then did I see how much I had changed. The bubbly teen was long gone and in her place was an insecure and pathetic little girl. I didn’t know what love was meant to lift you up and not drag you down. In my mind, if he loved me, he would control me. I was so blind.

This isn’t loving. I don’t deserve this. My parents rushed to my aid when I told them what was happening. They said that I should have come to them sooner and that I should have been more open with them. I was in a toxic relationship, and I needed their help to get out.

 

There Is Help For Me

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I thought that he was “it” and that my life with him was all that mattered. At times, when he was angry, I felt all alone. Well, now I realized, I am not alone. Someone will listen to me if I go for help and reach out to others. My parents said they will always have my back.

They brought me to a counselor so I can heal. I’ve been controlled by my boyfriend for a very long time, and it has affected my being. At least now, it’s over. I am slowly recovering.

If you think things have been difficult on your part, make sure to seek therapy. Deborah Serani, PsyD said “Therapy, in its best sense, is a process of unfolding our inherent wisdom that is oftentimes trapped beneath layers of conditioning, fear and reactivity.”